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The Delhi-ite pledge

This is not an original composition - I have picked it up from my friend Aruns NOTES on FB.

I will not return calls.
I will show off.
I will live beyond my means.
I will be a pathological liar.
I will be brash.
I will be abrasive.
I will be rude.
I will be nasty.
I will make false promises.
I will serve paneer in 21 different ways when throwing a formal dinner party.
I will bow down, touch feet and take blessings of all those who are even a year older than me just for the express purpose of collecting loose change.
I will wear zircons and claim them to be the finest diamonds.
I will rhyme every other word like whisky shisky and think that I am very witty.
I will be crassy not classy.
I will obsess over Bollywood.
I will worry myself sick if Shah Rukh Khan breaks his toe nail.
I will stalk Priyanka Chopra when I move to Mumbai.
I will do my best to produce a Bollywood movie even it wipes out my family´s fortune.
I will feel that I am stunningly good looking.
I will equate fair skin with beauty.
I will try my hand at modeling.
I will try my hand at acting.
I will be shallow.
I will tell one and all that I know the Prime Minister´s pedicurist.
I will believe that dancing at weddings is more important than finding a cure for cancer.
I will hire a choreographer to teach me how to dance at weddings.
I will make a total ass of myself dancing at weddings.
I will take credit for other people´s work.
I will look down on people who make less money than me.
I will mistake kindness for weakness.
I will have diarrhea of words and constipation of ideas.
I will hit rock bottom but I will continue to dig deeper.
I will raise land grabbing to an art form.
I will bow down to Vaishno Devi, the symbol of woman power, in the morning and womanize in the evening.
I will be proud of the fact that my city has the highest rape rate in the country.
I will tease women and it is my moral right to do so.
I will pull all the right strings to get me out of jail if arrested for eve teasing.
I will abort my unborn child if I find out through amniocentesis that my child is a girl.
I will be a dress designer if I am a woman.
I will be a property dealer if I am a man.
I will be a wheeler dealer. Period.
I will claim to be a businessman but will not disclose what exactly my business is.
I will be a fixer.
I will be above the law of the land.
I will subvert the system.
I will carry at least 9 mobiles on my person at any given time.
I will do my level best not to think.
I will stop others from thinking.
I will shut my brain down.
I will argue not using facts but the decibel level of my voice
I will refuse to admit that I am human and can make mistakes.
I will derisively refer to all those who live South of the Vindhayas as "Madrasis."
I will brag about the flyovers, malls and call centers in my city.
I will conveniently forget that all the flyovers, malls and call centers in my city are built with the help of taxes generated by other parts of India .
I will not pay my taxes.
I will try my best to be a thug.
I will mention my name, followed by the words "this side", to announce myself on a telephone call.
I am a Delhiite.

Comments

Boticelli Venus said…
OMG! I couldn't have said it better. While I claim no great understanding of the delhi mindset, i have experienced every single thing mentioned above. Delhi can be mean sometimes.
chandni said…
this is fantastic! very well done
Arjun said…
Delhi was always designed to be a warm city.. and is spurts.. it is!
But the average dilliwala is not from dilli... he's from everywhere else.

The melting pot (with north indian tadka) has resulted in an individual who is smart yet dysfunctional and easy to spot in a crowd

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