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topsy turvy

I’m starting to disbelieve.
My mind is in a spin and it’s currently doing about 7Gs!!
Somehow the feeling of what’s going to happen next is eating away at me. My responsibilities as a householder, as a son, as a brother, as an employee are suddenly looking so heavy.
That optimism that is traditionally me is evaporating. I must be doing it all wrong cos’ nothing feels right.

I was extremely positive, happy and content as the day began. The shift in polarity or should I say pole reversal happened in the evening. My self worth is currently way down and it’s not because of Lehmann Brothers. But a brother it is.

Sometimes we get angry and say things we shouldn’t. Those are explainable to a host of factors. Sometimes we smile and say things that cut like a knife - in this case those words drained me in minutes.
After all the effort of the last 2 years, it has finally come to this.

He believes I’m not serious - I disagree.
He is a control freak - I am not (though I do keep track)
We’re result oriented - but we’re different.
He gives new ideas - I implement them successfully.
He procastinates - I decide
He contradicts himself - I set precedents and implement as the situation warrants
He can’t handle NO people - I am NOT a YES man
He is insecure about life - I know what I have and what i don’t.
He is vindictive - I let things go (mostly)
Nobody but me ACTUALLY disagrees with him  - Nobody but me ACTUALLY supports him more.

Impulsive me is doing introspection. I’m thinking if I had done things differently and I could have avoided this situation. He said it quite pleasantly - that I needed to strengthen up in most of my work areas, that I needed a mentor, that he was not that person, that he would find someone for me , that I needed a change..... I get the signals dude!!

This knife hurts.


Moon Strummer said…
*hug hug*
Keshi said…
Arjun sometimes nothing feels right cos there's nothing that's right(/wrong) anyways. :) We just carry on somehow, thanks to our ATTITUDE to life. Its perspective.


SMM said…
The knife is double edged. Today its hurting you tomorrow its going to hurt him. Knowing the person you are and the strength you possess you'l get over it and emerge stronger. Knowing him he's going to be the one who gets stabbed with his own knife.
Arjun said…
Thanks a ton beautiful ladies!!
Trust me - i reaally really value that support:-)
SMM said…
Do you value it enough to buy me a new pair of shoes?
Arjun said…
no no no....
Still thinking said…
You know I keep reading your blog but rarely comment - sorry for that! Couldn't leave without commenting today - you and only you know your own worth Arjun and nobody, absolutely nobody else can tell you otherwise. The knife is blunt already :) Take care

I like the hubby-wifey banter :D
Keshi said…
haha SMM n Arjun! cute :)


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