Crazy world... insane thoughts
It's like the title says...


Sunday, August 31, 2008
So many emotions. Most lying dormant. Along comes an earthquake. Suddenly it's out in the open. It doesn't have to be a big shake up. Just a scene from the past in a new setting.

Let me put it across in an example.
I shall be 31 soon. I have not lived a loveless existence. I've known my share of pretty ladies. But when I explain the failed relationships to myself - it is always their fault. It's something that I've internalized. I'll never admit to myself that I was wrong, that I was irrational, that I ditched the girl, that I broke her heart. I love to paint myself as the ephemeral poster boy (esp the one who lives next door). But Arjun Mahajan is far from that.
So today - wifey and me were watching ROCK ON. She missed my tears. There was something in that whole scene when the main protagonist comes face to face with the girl he walked out on - without any reason. I mean his walking away wasn't even about them. But he took a decision and she suffered. He accepted his life as a compromise. She moved on - in time.
So when they met again - he was feeling shifty and she looked him in the eye. At least he had the balls to say sorry. I wonder If I could ever do that.

I wonder how many feeling and thoughts we all have within, that are just waiting. Then, the most logical of us become impulsive and emotional. Then, it's not about right and wrong, but the act of doing that which we feel is necessary. My wife loves, understands and tolerates me more than any of the women who came before her.. or after. I wonder what feelings are lying dormant within... her!

Sorry... this one is from the heart.
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patthar pe

Sunday, August 31, 2008
The maker is a true pathar tara....
I guess you're wondering what that is. Well in simple english - the maker of rock on is a rockstar.
Folks- this film rocks.
It gives hope to the dream. The dream that life is possible.

... And it brought forth some tears...

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Dad - this one is for you!

Friday, August 29, 2008
It was our early morning drive to work....
was listening to Mike & the Mechanics hum THE LIVING YEARS...!!

Suddenly the lyrics started pushing buttons inside.

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that Im a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that Im a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I know that i want to be like my dad and he's been there for me every single time I needed him. He's the man I idolize, although I never say it using a loudspeaker standing on the rooftop!

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
Im afraid thats all weve got
We don't have stilted conversations... even if there's a difference of opinion. We don't suffer from the generation gap syndrome either.
This was in 2006 when you went in for your surgery...i cannot express how "on edge" we were then.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we dont see eye to eye
But i do admit that i've stopped listening as well as I used to. Things are not the same as they were 10 years ago. I've definitely changed - maybe he has too, a little.
With Gautam and me...2 sons!
So dont yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you dont give up, and dont give in
You may just be o.k.
It's not easy being like him... being self-made (if anyone ever was).
I can talk about him, his achievements for hours on end. But suddenly - when commiting them to typed text - the fingers falter... wondering if I can do justice....
With his wife of 32 years.. and counting!

You inspired me to cook, dad!
You taught me how to give gyaan!!
You bid adieu to you daughter with a smile... with the strength of a rock... waiting till she'd gone, before the tears! You taught me to be strong and morally upright.
The family of 6. Bonds of strength.

I Love ya dad!!
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The Mind of a Married Man (Part 4)

Thursday, August 28, 2008
matching ambitions & career goals
when to do this and when to say - family first.
i never really gave it much thought when i was single.
i'm sure she felt the same way.
it's so different now.
suddenly i cannot think of being home for a month and not doing anything (socially acceptably) constructive.
there is nothing like a "between jobs" break now

conversely... being HI-DINKs ... the situation should be reversed.
I did some p-wondering and an interim point of view was that we loved our "independent" financial security. so suddenly if I was dependent on her... hmmm .. who can tell! I know she'll take care of me - the house husband!
OK - for a minute lets just say that my ego was on the back-burner.... what'd happen if i wanted to just say - opt out of the current work assignment and do a bit of photography... I think, thought, thunked too.... but then there are other things to consider as well.

i wonder how the others did it...
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Heavy tribulation!

Thursday, August 28, 2008
Imagine if you're penalized for being heavy
I believe it's a gross violaton of my rights!!

I travel a lot by air.. and safety / terrorists/ hijacks are on my mind from time to time. However, we've got to stop being paranoid about it.

It adds to the trials and tribulations of flying...apart from making the wallet lighter!

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Just ain't fair!

Monday, August 25, 2008
There ain’t no justice in the world!
He’d been up early, since the water tank had burst upon them. The water had come as a deluge. His normal waking time was around 5am to wash up and leave for work, cleaning up the city roads. It was half past 3 when the tank burst.

The family of 4 had been sleeping, looking forward to the festival in the morning. A devout hindu, Janamashtmi was on their list of celebration and “going out” days as a family. The water had come as a train through a tunnel, clearing all before it. it did not knock on any door. Just washed them out.
Luckily no one died. But that was little solace when he surveyed ground zero. It was a Sunday and no hope for getting money for the present. The government run bank that he’d saved in was closed for the day. He wandered off as sunlight crept over the horizon and thought about the time to come. He played with permutations and combinations in his head, hesitant to commit to any action.

Even prayers escaped his mind view right now!
There he stood on the road, wishing...

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Look elsewhere!

Friday, August 22, 2008
Interestingly enough...the avid cricket fan that I am .. have not been following the series in Lanka.
I've tuned into the olympics instead.

It's like cricket just took a backseat and suddenly the mind wanted something else. Ned to watch beach volleyball, badminton and boxing instead.

Methinks this country needs to take a break from cricket and look at alternatives - now!
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I love my gadgets...
There's the MAC.... the phone.. the xbox and not to forget.. my trusty camera!!
It's like an insatiable urge to be ahead of the herd. My lovely wife - well, she mostly looks on! It's only now that she's put her foot down with regards the IPHONE.

I cannot imagine life.. now.. without my trust set of accompaniments by my side. I feel the need to be connected, always!

An article in the paper pointed out the fact that I may need psychiatric help in this regard. I disagree.
I love my stuff and I would definitely miss it if it weren't there. I mean I would be close to frantic. But if there was something that kept mind from these technological mind-jammers ... then I'd be willing to play ball!!
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The Mind of a Married Man (Part 3)

Monday, August 18, 2008
It's not an easy job... this marriage and all its accompaniments.
It's especially not easy to stay all by yourself when the wife is away.

Yes - some mice will play. But I stopped running / moving others' cheese after we got married.
Consequently I spent 3 days (holidays) whiling away my time... counting the hours till she returned....!!!
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The Mind of a Married Man (Part 2)

Thursday, August 14, 2008
One week to go......
Then the iPHONE 3G arrives in India.... to work its magic on the 2G network..!!!
It'll be a whole new world out there.

Alas - my wife and I won't be a part it. Instructions from my better half.
I got my E90 communicator in May. So 3 months and 17 days is not enough time for an upgrade.
We need to go out there and buy a car instead.... start saving Arjun!!!

Married man is moping.....
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The Mind of a Married Man (Part 1)

Thursday, August 14, 2008
This is the start of a long (i Hope) series of articles on the inner workings of the mind of a man in matrimony.
I'm living it and though I dissuade myself from calling it an experiment, every day brings with it some new, some old components together. Aided by the catalyst that is "our" MOOD, the final reaction turns out good, bad or etc etc!!

This is not a critique or a self - help blog. Just my thoughts.
How we re-read them and re-interpret them as the solar system evolves..... that'll form a basis for a lot of understanding and maybe another blog.

I suppose Supriya and I will love going back to those lil memories when we're old'n'gray...


I like life. It's something to do.
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The chair in the teacup

Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The chair is a relatively obtuse piece of office equipment..... yet it created a bit of a tropical cyclone in the proverbial teacup.

The CASE (for Sherlock to handle)

A 4 wheeled chair was found located in the ante room to the Directors cabin. This, in addition to the 3 already present there. Nobody had reported it missing and nobody except the Director noticed that it was there. The questioning was done on a ONE on ONE basis by the BIG MAN himself. He wanted to know who'd shifted the chair and on whose authorization.

Yours truly got in to office after 4 days and was hard-pressed for time when he was summoned by the GRAND INQUISITOR...

My face must have been a study in emotion....actually I was dumbfounded....trying to make something of the whole affair. Yes I was busy. This trivial crap was a lil too much for me.

So I looked around (again) - called the office boy and had it towed away. Just wondering if they'd get a MANAGER to do such stuff anywhere else.

I got back to my seat and was the under scrutiny as my facial mask was kinda distorted. I looked askance at my colleagues. It seems they'd all attended the INQUISITION before me... courtesy my seniority!

The case remains unsolved.... Anyone willing to play Sherlock????
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Out of the box

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Why do we get in the box in the first place?
The desire to solve problems is as old as time itself. The problem is that we treat problems as such.. you know - we call them problems... and that’s the start of the bigger problem.
Adam and his missus were a lil out of sorts in the garden of eden. They were bored with the gardens and the fruit borne within. So Eve tried to solve the problem.. thereby creating issues for both species - human and serpents! We’ve never really got onto the track thereafter. .. it’s been a long roll thereafter.

In fact we never got out of that box!

So why do we keep trying to THINK out of the box
I think it’s genetic coding .. which has mutated down the ages .. and we now think OUT of the box. Maybe if we tried staying inside the box for a bit and improving things within. ...

There I go again.. thinking out of the box!
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The lil kid and the candy shop

Friday, August 08, 2008
It was something breathtakingly new....The lil one had been waiting for it for a few years now. The door to the candy shop had been opened and he was free to pick out the various sweets because daddy had given him a GOLD credit card!

He first sampled the chocolate and then the mint....ooooh he liked the fancy colored ones as well... He loved the thought of eating candy without the thought of falling ill.. The only thing that could stop him was the credit limit on daddys card!!

He's loving it!!

So ITUNES has finally finally started their INDIA APPS store!! You can connect to the store through ITUNES and I've just got some great software for my IPOD TOUCH... almost makes it an IPHONE... short of actually making calls....!!

I'm loving it too... this is better than candy!
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Late night partying

Thursday, August 07, 2008
... has come to a halt.. a day after our marriage!

Interestingly enough I was a regular on the nightclub circuit in my days of being unique (aka single).
Now... we (sups and me) have only had one occasion in the last 15 months when we actually went to a night club... it's eerie!!

I was of a breed that could stay up all night and eat anything, a breed normally associated with Socialites and cockroaches.. I was neither!

Is it like a mindset change / phase shift that ran over me... Neither of us was ready to stop partying... and sometimes Supriya and me wonder as to what really happened... what's happening to us...!!!

A picture from yesteryears...circa Dec 06... as we sway to the music at BUZZ!
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Under Control!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008
As a followup to my last post.... where I wondered about control and controlling, I thought I'd take a few minutes to talk about being controlled.

I am a free spirit! (I also like spirits.. esp if they're free)

As things stand today - I respect a few opinions, but always follow my independent counsel. It's not that I don't care what others think. In fact I go out of my way to mould my thoughts to suit certain circumstances. One would contend that that is the very essence of being controlled.
I beg to differ - because I believe that if I am "CONTROLLED" to do something I want to do.... it ain't control no more.
However, my middle finger is always ready for mind controllers who think they can guide me down a path I am wont to follow! Somehow I have a penchant for showing the finger.... only my pal John does it better!. He's the eternal rebel....his bosses brand him a trade union leader and his team called him a capitalist (at first).
All he's trying to do is get some shuteye in during the day so he can work late hours!! But nobody understood it and everybody tried their hand at controlling him. None succeeded!

I see folks around me succumbing to pressures when they don't really need to. My subordinate will do a few tasks despite his non-acceptance. My Mom will listen to some relatives in direct contradiction to her belief system. My uncle (mom's younger bro) knows how I feel about his antics in life. So he does well to stay away from me.
I refuse to obey without reason. Sometimes.. well actually many times, it gets my feet dirty! But then let's face it - that's life!

It's your choice to be controlled or free. It's your choice to do what you believe is right. After all when we reach the pearly gates - nobody's gonna give a hick of my connections back on earth!
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Tuesday, August 05, 2008
My father says I can control and manipulate others. I agree and I disagree.
If I could do all that he says I was capable of - well I'd be president by now.
I wish I could be in control of lots of things, but alas - such is not the case.

I agree with him to a certain extent as well. That's the case because I believe I can read others (sometimes). Then it becomes a task of matching their priorities and mine. When there is a match - my work gets done, despite earlier protestations to the opposite.

So it's akin to understanding others than mind control!

We all like control over others. The only difference being the varying degree of control obtained/ exercised.
If my boss had his way....
Lucky me I guess.... he doesn't know what's in mind.... unless I want him to know. Or so I like to think.

But what challenge would it be if I could manipulate everyone to my way of thinking and action. After the novelty had worn off (within the week) - I would have nothing to do. So too the rest of my controlled realm!!
That would drive me nuts

As Margo Kaufman aptly put it, "The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can."
.... I do wish I could control the women though!!!
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Arjuns Tryst with the camera's Fan Box


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    Gurgaon, India
    traveling life's quaint paths and making my own destiny...

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