One minute you're flying....
The next you're a crashed out wrcek in no-mans land. No burials ... you rot and the world leers.
No ifs, buts, whys, wherefores.... but the brutal landing (inside the mind) makes me  see sets of alternate universe.

I see a reality which remains unchanged from it's inertia of sleep-eat-work-play.
I see alternates where one little twist in the tale brings forth a life of happiness or sadness. It makes me wonder what would happen if....
One part of me realizes that I will accept my bitter medicine without showing it on the face. The other part of me wants to give it back in equal measure. Then I wonder what would happen if things were always tit for tat.... naah I don't think that would work here.

The wandering mind brings up stories and futures akin to a bollywood potboiler. It's my way of considering options and I feel that in the event of an untoward happenstance I would be able to bear it better. The hairs on my body tingle with a fear. There's also a certain resignation thrown in trying to accept the inevitability of the situation. We come into this world alone... and so shall we go (unless the lord intends otherwise).

I can't put down the exact nature of my fear here because I fear... that the matrix has eyes and ears.
It has been my deepest fear since I stepped into my first pair of jeans. It has plagued me for a decade and a half and eaten away at every thing I thought would work out. Why is it "meat" when I cook it and serve  & why is it poison if someone else serves it to me?

It's like a BLACKNESS that threatens but does not devour. The mind reacts to these threats and in its weakness accepts some to be true. This causes chemicals to flow and actions to be undertaken in the name of protecting oneself rather than what is really valuable.

Some would abhor this state of mind. I revel in it. I feel warm in this - absence of light inside a dark cave - state of mind. I allow those hitherto latent feelings to come forth and engulf me. The maelstrom breaks as the phone rings... but after talking to her.... the dark lord takes over again.

Needles hurt!!
Tattooing causes pain!!
Being a man does not lessen that.
It's tougher since you're expected to grain and bear it.
I lost my "virginity" in the words of the gentleman at FUNKY MONKY when I got my first tattoo....
The first prick was the scariest - but kinda like an anticlimax!
It didn't hurt as much as the last one.
What started out as a bee sting grew to a gnawing pain at the end of 90 minutes on the chair.
All I wanted was it for it to end. I almost stopped him a couple of times when he filled in color, rubbing that needle into my arms evoking a bloody response.
It looks worthwhile after the effort and the expense... but believe you me... it was stubbornness that kept me going!!!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
So guys don't like roses too often - we still love the rain.
The pitter-patter of the drops beating down my bald head as I stand on the terrace, running like rivulets atop the face. The spectacles are off and I heave a sigh of relief as the heat dissipates. Getting a soaking from the creator beats taking a shower anyday. I look at the concrete cages around me and the people trying to break free for those few drops of manna.
I stand free...

The last 4 days have seen some hectic activity on my part.
I'm back now!!

In the beginning...it looked like a tough task
4th early morning train to Kanpur... followed by loads of work....
5th working SUNDAY... then the overnight train to Gorakhpur
6th manic monday in the GKP heat followed by the late night train to Varanasi.
7th rain drenched, mud filled working in Varanasi and an evening train home to Delhi.

I was lucky enough to do a bit of religious sight seeing amidst my schedule - the GORAKHNATH MANDIR in GKP and the KASHI VISHWANATH MANDIR in VAR.

The traveling was hectic, no doubt. But then it's also something I like to do. I did my photographs from inside the train too. Got a lot of pics from the Indian heartland and thanks to some good lenses was able to do some quick zoom work. Stuff that would have been difficult to do otherwise.

Traveling by the Chouri ChourA express from Kanpur to Gorakhpur. Lying
covered on the top berth listening to Dev D and his quest to find
Saali Khushi

I see the couple opposite and he's in love with her. She's giving me
the look and I amused Supriya with the possibilities as she bade me
good night. It's 10:09 and we've crossed Allahabad. Outlook money is
the only magazine that Govind could find on the platform and I leave
him to read it.
Dev D has transitioned to Vivaldis four seasons and spring is here.
There's that odd feeling when i'm feeling lonesome - I miss the missus
and I feel like a long talk. So talk to the blog I shall.
I've undertaken many a train journey. However this will be the first
time that I'll be traveling on four consecutive days in four different
trains. Delhi to Kanpur to Gorakhpur to Varanasi to Delhi. But I
remember one particular trip from Delhi to Pune in the first yeAr of
my MBA. It made for excellent conversation between Mia and me. We sat
and talked all night long. Interestingly we weren't sleepy next
morning. We talked about all sorts of stuff from music to love to the
professors. It was like Billy Joel going for a walk through the
river in His dreams. It cemented our friendship for the next two
years before she married hiM and had to choose between love and
friendship. I miss some of my good friends. I wonder if they miss me
too.
It's been a while since the MBA got done and I haven't really stayed
in touch. Might I be at fault here?
The question plays like a beaten record through the wilderness of my
mind. It's like listening to rock'n'roll in the desert- kinda lost
effect.
26 minutes since I started writing this. The girl is asleep the boy
feels like love just ain't enough. Govind has dozed off too. Husband
and wife are separated by 500 miles...

Isn't that always the case... as I flashback to school..... where the English teacher gave a photograph and students were expected to write a composition / essay on the same. It's been a while since I did that. But it's never too late to start. If you've something interesting to say/add to the Picture that I write on, please do so in the comments section.
It should be interesting - comparing thoughts on a scene.
"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."
HW Longfellow

GREENIE: Looks like I ate too much last night
ITOLDUSO : Nope I don't think you ate too much. You just ate wrong. That chicken biryaani was more like Crow 'n'rice.
SCRATCHY: Will you guys stop moaning about food.I couldn't get it on last night. She just slapped me and went off with the security guard.
ITOLDUSO :  Ok. So do you want ENO for that tummy?
GREENIE: No. Then I'll have to go.. and the loo costs a buck to operate.
SCRATCHY: You use a loo....!!! We're Indian. We do it closer to nature.
GREENIE :Guys. This banter is not helping.
SCRATCHY: Quick - get to cover and let'er ripppp!

Ever so rarely one comes across a well thought out experiment that begs you to think
Ok - So it also made me want to write!
This is the age old fight between the left brain and the right brain, between Spocks Logic and Kirks gut feeling.  It's been raging for time immemorial and no clear winners have emerged. It also depends on what you're looking for.

Are you looking for the "RIGHT" thing?
Are you looking to find what fits "BEST"?
Both tracks move down seemingly parallell lines... but they never meet.


It was much easier as a child when experience didn't cloud the GUT or BRAIN. It was so much simpler to go the RIGHT way or be wary of mommy when you knew that some mischief was at hand.


We constantly tell ourselves that wrong is right and then one day the lines get blurred to the extent that our GUTS guide us wrong.

But inside of me I believe.. I know what is RIGHT and WHAT'S NOT. There's always something around to motivate me to take a middle path than the one that's right. WHY?
Maybe it's the easier way out.
Maybe my brain would have me believe that there's no other way out.
.. but always, a nagging feeling in my gut, hidden deep inside... tells me what I refuse to hear.

What's your value?
No - I'm not talking in terms of money. That's the easiest one to assess. I'm talking intangible stuff.... the kind that us difficult to measure with basic metrics... but the value that you crave for.


What's our value to those around you?
To your family, friends, colleagues and those you interact with on a regular basis.

Does your word count for anything at all?

Does it sound like they hear you or they listen to you?


Do they care enough to listen to you?

Are your intentions always suspect?

Are you always compared with successful people and it's no wonder they always come out ahead?

Can you do anything right(AT all)?

Is everything your fault or can blame be shared with god and nature?

ARE you loved?
... or even feel like you're being loved.


The first question was the subject of this exercise. The following eight were more specific. I don't have to put down a guide here for analyzing the quiz. If you read the pos completely and it made sense... I'm sure you have the final analysis in your head too.

The rest is upto..... well depends on your answers.... they could be right - you could be responsible for all the crap that's around!!!

Human nature, like the english language is driven by the Four emotions - assertive, interrogative, imperative & exclamatory.

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. - Assertive
Girl married Boy. - More assertive
He had the best time of his life. - Exclamatory
Ohh! This was not the end of it. - Exclamatory
What happened thereafter? - Interrogative
Be quiet. -Imperative
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. - Assertive (well not really... )

.... you know the rest of that story

Life requires us to interact with fellow humans, canines, bovines and the like.
It’s important that our actions akin to sentences have a well defined Subject and a Predicate.

The earth revolves around the sun..... (don’t you wonder what’s the subject and what’s the predicate)
We should profit by experience.  (... another trick question)
Edison invented the phonograph. (so we’re sure that Edison is definitely not the SUBJECT)
But sometime lines get blurred and we’re not quite sure what come first - the subject or the    predicate. We’re unsure on what’s more important.


The there’s the half baked story that we live with. We don’t know everything. But we think it’s enough - kinda like a PHRASE & CLAUSE system  Phrases like Half knowledge get you nowhere. We feel something based on something else and finalize our thoughts. It’s quite like saying, “in the corner”. Our half baked thoughts drive us to a corner.  The least you can do is talk it out... figure out the CLAUSEs in life. Clauses have some head and tail to latch onto.

.. now moving on to my favorite parts of speech.... Eight varied classes - from the noun to the verb, pronoun to adverb, the adjective and the preposition and interjection preceded by a conjunction.

The Kings men tried to lift HUMPTY DUMPTY - noun
Humpty was quite large - adjective
They could not lift him - verb
Life remains where you left it - pronoun
She pronounced judgment quite rapidly - adverb
I ran fast but I was not fast enough - conjunction
Alas! it’s too late - interjection
.
..
...
....
..... who’d have thought that life would end with a preposition!!

can you even imagine that...?
well I can't.. i tried for a bit... but then i realized that my life had become so tightly entangled with the matrix that getting out was not / is not an option.

The way life has become... so networked... so connected.... so dependent on the ONLINE PERSONA.. begs me to think what life would be if I were in an unconnected location.

1. no facebook updates
2. no tweets to reply to
3. no flickr to showcase "MY" talent
4. how would i remember birthdays....
5. no email - no work..there are some benefits too!!!
   
6. no RSS... how would i track world affairs
7. no YOUTUBE - how will i catch the latest flicks...
8. no BLOGGER..... woah!!
9. no fwds... no smiles

then again.. it may not be such a bad idea....

MY BOOKS - always no.1

MY FILMS - viewed many a time

COOKING.... only non-veg though!! (keeps the wife happy too)

MY GLASS - fully intoxicating

DANCING - wild abandon

MY WORK - DIAGNOSING HIV - keeping the world safer!!

...
.
.
.
.
.
... and lets not forget ...my photography and this blog!!

I've been following in my wifes footsteps.... we're experiencing mental blocks towards writing / blogging!
I've been focussed on my photography and flickr these last few weeks. It's become like a little passion to see how many views I'm getting, what pics are the most watched etc etc!!
Here's my phtostream.... 

So then my mind is off writing for now...
Or so I'd like myself to believe.

News Update : We also got our first car... It's a TATA INDIGO LX with the latest DICOR engine
Sups is thrilled... she finally has a car to call her own..... I don't drive.... never have.... so we got her her very own driver too.
The car came in courtesy Neela and her hubby Sarvottam who being where he's at... was able to get this produced for us. OFFICIALLY the model is still not in production!
BIG THANKS!!
I love the smel of fresh leather...



I'm starting with my OFFICIAL travels again... so this week is Jalandhar.... and next week will be Kanpur , Varanasi & Gorakhpur. Am off to HYDERABAD in end July for 3-4 days too. OOh - I like traveling - the only problem being that I have to leave the missus for that much time. I hope to meet Johnny this time and we can both swap notes on our BBERRY BOLDs!!
Now this is a success story - I converted a NON-BLACKBERRY dude to a BBERRY BELIEVER!!